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Practical Parenting to Raise Confident Children

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Practical Parenting to Raise Confident Children

Parenting does not come naturally. It is to be learnt. Just as we learn how to cook, ride, drive and swim, we must put an effort to master the attitudes and skills necessary for parenting. Unlike cooking and driving, parenting is much more challenging because children have a mind of their own. But it is also more rewarding.

Many parents believe that parenting is all about saving enough money to put a child in the best school possible and put her through every camp available to master every sport, art and hobby. That is not all. Most parents expect their child to top the class, ace the exams and get into the best college in the country. All to land a job with a six figure monthly salary.

Academics are important, nurturing talent is fine and ambition is good but making them life-pursuits for a child is surely setting up a child for a life-time of anxiety, guilt and insecurity.

Parents must work to provide happy childhood, secure adolescence and confident adulthood. Storytelling, pillow fights, picnic at a Zoo, somersaults in a swimming pool, playing Pictionary, an opportunity to look with wonder at the jetting aircrafts in an air show, children on your shoulder to catch a glimpse of a sports star and many, many other things you can do with your children can create a happy childhood.

A teenager will feel secure in a strong identity. What he or she can do, how they are noticed and acknowledged and how they are liked and loved contribute to their identity. When parents shower such attention, acceptance and time-space to discover themselves (with ample margin to make mistakes), they grow secure in an otherwise harsh world. They will then go out be able to accept challenges, take criticism in their stride and build healthy relationships.

As you can see there is no mention of outstanding marks, ranks, prizes and trophies, top schools or colleges and definitely not exorbitant salaries in a healthy parenting plan. Sometimes they happen and that is good. Most of the times, parents focus on these things to satisfy their own ego, overcome their anxiety and showcase their children as a proof of their successful parenting. It is not healthy parenting. In fact, it leads to unending conflicts between parents and children, develops a false sense of identity and misplaced priorities.

Children are not projects to be worked on and completed. They are personalities to be shaped, enjoyed and cherished.

This article is not about helping parents to make their children super successful professionals. Popular literature and social media is replete with it. My sincere appeal to you is to explore some practical aspects that get neglected resulting in parental deficit. And somethings not to be done that could actually be unintended abuse.

Parents, both father and mother must endeavour to practice the following:
  • Talk to infants but listen to children. You can talk all you want to infants and toddlers. It is a valuable psychological pat for a fledgling soul. The child will bask in the attention of the parents. Listen to them when they begin to speak. It is life to the budding soul.
  • Get physical with children. Hold them, hug them, kiss them, pat them, rub them, give them a horsy ride, do a mock arm-wrestling, etc. All these must be done delicately, sensitively and age-appropriately. Moreover, keep your cultural norms in mind. When they grow up appreciate them verbally and occasional hug, pat and touch.
  • Patiently spend time with children in shaping physical habits. Potty training, personal hygiene like brushing teeth properly, washing hands before eating, bathing daily and twice if necessary in summer, eating meals and snacks at proper times, sleeping and getting up at designated times, playing, of use electronic gadgets for designated times, etc., are a few of them. Children develop a sense of personal value in addition to health benefits.
  • Develop spiritual habits like having personal prayer times and family prayer times. Going to Sunday school and church regularly. Make memorizing scripture fun. Start with the Lord’s Prayer and Psalm 23. Help children to invite Jesus into their hearts as their Lord and Saviour. Age is no bar. Remember Jesus admonished His disciples when they were preventing children from coming to Him.
  • Teach them to say ‘Thank you’, ‘Please’, ‘Sorry’. These are not just social graces but they are spiritual values. Remember kindness, meekness and gentleness are fruit of the Spirit. Many children refuse to say sorry as they feel their ego is getting hurt. Teach them these graces before the ego grows too big. If you can’t shape them when they are tender, they will break you when they are older. When you are wrong, please apologise. It’s good to set an example.
  • Every child must be made responsible. They must be first taught to be responsible for their own things. Like carrying their own stuff, picking up things and leaving stuff in their designated places. Some parents do everything for their children right up to their teenage and adulthood. Most of the times they are saying, “I will do everything for you. You don’t have to do a thing. Just get me good marks.” Such children become irresponsible adults and terrible life-partners. At the end of the day job and money is not everything. Mutually satisfying relationships are important for satisfaction in life.
  • Children must then be made to participate in household chores. Filling up water bottles, getting groceries and vegetables, booking cooking gas cylinders, paying bills, extending hospitality to visitors, dusting cars and motorcycles, planning gifts for cousins and uncles and aunts, Christmas decorations, etc. When they become team players at home, they know how to carry themselves and participate in social groups.
  • Teach them simplicity. They can’t have special food all the time. It is neither good for body nor soul. Occasionally when you are sick, groceries have run out and the fridge is empty, teach them to eat a simple meal. Let them know what hunger is. Let them sometimes fend for themselves.
  • Teach them contentment. To be satisfied with life that God has given them. Children look at others and demand similar things. Cell phones, bikes, dresses, jewellery, etc. A parent is the best toy a child can have. If you can spare time and play with a child, they don’t need a play room and a room full of toys. If you can remain their friends in growing years and honest with family finances, they will not demand ‘toys’ like expensive cell phones, bikes and accessories.
  • Teach children to respect your personal time. Let them know that if you are happy and healthy you will be able to better relate to them.
Be sure not to ‘abuse’ a child. No parent does it intentionally but many do unwittingly. Beware!
  • Do not compare one child with another. Whether within the family, church or community. It is not healthy. Parents justify it to motivate a child. It is a poor motivator. It actually breeds resentment, jealousy and inferiority.
  • Do not make all your conversations about academic performance. They may develop an aversion to all things academic. Celebrate children not academic performance.
  • Do not use scolding as a means to discipline. It is demeaning, unhelpful and a futile exercise. Have conversations and agree upon mutually agreeable performance standards. Concluding such conversations with prayer for God’s enablement will help.
  • Never use bad words, names of animals or demeaning expressions while talking to children. You will be insulting God. It leaves an indelible scar on their psyche.
  • Never wish death. No matter how frustrated you are never say you want to die. Or that all your problems will come to an end if you die. Some parents even say to a child: “I don’t know why you were born.” The pain would be unbearable to the child. Then they resort to all sorts of drugs and substances for relief.
  • Don’t nag children.
  • Never fight in front of children. It is fine for children to know that you differ on things but not in a disagreeable way.
  • Don’t tolerate disrespect, rebellion and disdainful attitude from children. Be forgiving of all mischievous behaviour, tolerant of their clumsiness and forgetfulness. But do not allow your children to question your authority. Act swiftly and show who is in control.

The Bible says, “Children’s children are a crown to the aged; parents are the pride of their children.” Parents are the pride of their children.

Parents must lead an exemplary life to earn the respect of the children that He has demanded of them.

If, what they hear from their parents and what they see in them is one and the same, children will find it easy to behave in the same way. Let us make it easy for them. That way they may not become toppers in their classes but surely they would know Jesus, become confident adults to face challenges and build strong families.

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Is Your Soul Well-Dressed?

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Is Your Soul Well-Dressed?

 

“Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father.” Psalm 17:6

A family is a haven for a soul to flower and boom. Members of a family nurture one another physically, celebrate emotionally, stimulate intellectually and motivate purposefully. In such families, everyone can grow secure knowing s/he is loved and valued. Those that are secure are outgoing and experimenting and thereby more friendly and confident. Soon they make a sense of their life and get hooked on to a purpose. Not surprisingly, children from such families go on to build more such fun-filled families. And the legacy continues.

Fathers and mothers, both, must play their part. Traditionally, father was the sole bread-winner and mother a home maker and by default, the significant parent for the children looking after their all-round development. Father was seen as the head of the house and sometimes as a respected figurehead. In a modern home, both parents work but unfortunately, the mother has to still carry on the task of parenting almost all on her own. Fathers rarely play a significant role except when there are crises. This must change.

In a modern home, both parents work but unfortunately, the mother has to still carry on the task of parenting almost all on her own. Fathers rarely play a significant role except when there are crises. This must change.

A family is a team. All must work together and play their part. Like in any team sport, all players have their speciality of skill like a bowler, wicket-keeper or a batsman. They are expected to perform in their skillful role. When all players excel in their speciality, the team wins. Even if the batsmen score centuries, if the bowlers do not take wickets, all those centuries would be in vain. Sometimes, batsmen fail. Then bowlers who are usually tail-enders even bat well and bring home the trophy. They rise to the occasion in a crisis.

A family can learn a lot from sport. In fact, when members of a family play any sport, they come across as a great team. When Nabal failed as a husband, Abigail pitched in for him (1 Samuel 25). Aquila and Priscilla come across as a great team (Acts 18).

Young parents in a modern home must be prepared to set aside traditions, rigidity and egos to take up mutual (as opposed to equal) responsibility in shaping the personalities of their children. Sharing of responsibilities is mutual when all tasks and responsibilities are listed and the parents pick and choose as per their strengths and what is practical to all. One must be very clear what a responsibility is and what is a task.

Young parents in a modern home must be prepared to set aside traditions, rigidity and egos to take up mutual (as opposed to equal) responsibility in shaping the personalities of their children.

Let’s take the example of children’s education. Children’s education is a responsibility but attending parent-teacher meeting is one of the tasks under that responsibility. In principle, a parent is expected to list and carry out the tasks needed to effectively fulfill that responsibility. However, some of those tasks could be delegated to spouse, grandparents and older children.

May be the father has the responsibility of family finances. Preparing a budget, paying tithes and paying bills are a few tasks under that responsibility. He could delegate one or two tasks but he is responsible for the finances of the house. Delegation of tasks must be done for smooth functioning but not to escape and overburden any one member of the family. When any one parent is overburdened, the marriage suffers and it in-turn leads to family discord affecting the child.

Strong teams are shaped by a shared vision and a purpose. For example, if a family gives itself a vision like: “We will be a godly family” then everyone will make it a point to view if what they are saying and doing is acceptable and pleasing to God. This can become a common thread in conversations, making choices and arriving at mutually agreeable plans.

For example, if this family makes a vacation plan to go to Kolkata they will probably make it a point to visit, among other tourist spots, Sisters of Charity, a home that was headed by Mother Theresa. Wherever they are, they will make it a point to attend a Sunday morning worship service. As they all agreed to be a godly family, even making such decisions on the go will be much easier.

“All for one, one for all”

“All for one, one for all” is the credo of three musketeers. It is apt for families too. When someone is sick in the family, all pitch in to care for that member. Someone to take him to the doctor, someone to look after the diet, someone to attend to her/him. Children could be asked to write notes of the lessons that s/he has missed. Basically make sure every effort is made to make it easy to go through the sickness and help in getting back to normal routine. This may mean missing play time, TV time or game time for other members.

Exam times are stressful. So are tournament times. Parents and siblings must be there for all who are going through such testing times. Cheering them, encouraging them and praying with them will help tide over difficult times. Coaches and teachers do help in moments of setbacks and losses. But the comfort, reassurance of a parent and sibling is very therapeutic.

Parents must learn to debrief a child after all significant events. In fact, it is important that every member has that joy of talking about what happened.

Parents must learn to debrief a child after all significant events. In fact, it is important that every member has that joy of talking about what happened. Whether it is a sad or a happy turn of events, it does a world of good, emotionally to just talk. Strong families know how to take failures with successes. They are a team.

A Christian family must worship God together. Regular family prayer is very essential for growing strong in the Lord. Such times define our identity as a family and as an individual. Bible is studied together may be through a devotional or through group study of passages. Joys and griefs are shared and taken to the Lord for His attention and action. Scripture should be the script for life.

Parents must encourage sincere discussion where scripture is applied to life situations as they happen in life.

Parents must encourage sincere discussion where scripture is applied to life situations as they happen in life. Every member of the family must have their own Bible which they use for daily reading and study. Father must play a significant part in spiritual nurture of the family. Mother can orchestrate and facilitate the devotional time. As children grow, opportunity can be given to all members to conduct the family prayer times. Home is a good place to nurture spiritual leadership. Consider the time when Abraham was taking Isaac to be sacrificed. Isaac did not even utter a word of protest as he was bound and placed on the wood. I wonder if Abraham had so taught him to trust the Lord as he himself did (Genesis 22).

Often parents outsource spiritual nurture to church, Sunday school and Youth Fellowship. The spiritual inputs at these groups are a good supplement to the spiritual nurture at home, but they cannot become a substitute.

Often parents outsource spiritual nurture to church, Sunday school and Youth Fellowship. The spiritual inputs at these groups are a good supplement to the spiritual nurture at home, but they cannot become a substitute. Once that is in place, all members must actively participate in the learning and serving ministry of the church.

A good church educates, equips and encourages her members. Families must participate in such programs of the church and grow stronger in spiritual life. The church also provides opportunities to minister both to the members of the church and the community. Children can be encouraged to discover their spiritual gifts and serve the church with them. In the meantime, they must employ all their natural talents like singing, quizzing, drawing, painting, dancing, etc., to contribute to church programs, especially in outreach and mission programs.

When parents invest their lives in children, they become sharp instruments in the hands of the Lord.

Parents must be very careful not to neglect children and go out on ministry work. The greatest ministry is among children and family and that is the most challenging mission field. When parents invest their lives in children, they become sharp instruments in the hands of the Lord. If not, children may not turn out godly and they will be a poor testimony to God. Parents must see children as co-players in the team and must get involved in the ministry as a family. Their involvement in church and ministry must be an expression of their family living.

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Being Passionate and Purposeful

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Being Passionate and Purposeful

Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion. – Georg Hegel – German PhilosopherYou may have heard a story of a man who had ordered a desktop computer from IBM when they came early into the market. The system was delivered with clear instructions on how to set it up. He read the basic instructions, figured out how to set it up and started using it. After using it for a few weeks, he wrote to IBM asking them to replace the coffee mug holder that came with the computer.

The staff in the tech department were at a loss to figure out what the customer was talking about. They called him to find out but could not figure what he was saying. They sent their representative to check it out. When asked to show the coffee mug holder, the customer presses what happened to be a button that brings out the CD ROM drive and out came the broken CD tray. The customer did not know what a CD ROM drive was and mistook the CD tray for a coffee mug holder and started using it as one, and it broke.

The moral of the story: If you don’t know how to use a thing, you are bound to abuse it. Just as it is important to know the purpose of various things in life, it is even more important to know the purpose of life itself.

In this article, we will see how important it is to have a purpose in life and that the joy of life is in pursuing that purpose.

Adam was given the task of tending the garden and the privilege of naming the animals. Adam and Eve were asked to be fruitful and multiply; subdue the earth and have dominion over all the creation (Genesis 1:28). Powerful projects to be excited all their life. Purpose gives excitement. Life is boring without a meaningful pursuit. It can even be depressing.

People without a purpose are drifters. To them, the grass is always greener on the other side because they do not know the value of what they have. There is no sense of joy nor satisfaction in their lives because they have not set out to pursue anything significant or with any vigour. Such people never experience a sense of achievement and consequently the joy of achieving.

On the contrary, those that have a clear purpose, are confident, energetic and focussed. They are clear in their mind and pursue their goals with passion. They are more joyful for having achieved a purpose and generous in sharing the fruits of such success. I am not saying that purpose alone will give you joy as there are other factors like family and friends who could enhance the joy of pursuing a purpose. Purposeful people can weather unexpected storms. They keep going in the face adversity (Romans 8: 35-39).

People without a purpose are drifters. To them, the grass is always greener on the other side because they do not know the value of what they have. Jesus had a clear purpose in His life on earth. He came to proclaim and establish the Kingdom of God. He did it in three short years. He was clear about His purpose, and passionate to fulfil it. He was never distracted by anything that did not contribute to His purpose, even ministry of healing.

They wanted to make Him king but He turned it down. Someone requested Jesus to go and settle a property dispute. It was not part of His brief so stayed clear of it. His purpose and timing was impeccable. Thirdly, He was clear about His purpose and timing as He had His ear inclined to the voice of His Father.

Therefore, purposes in life, the time table to fulfil them and a step-by-step direction to accomplish them comes from our heavenly Father. Abraham found his purpose in the call of God to separate himself so that nations could come from him to be God’s people. Moses took up the purpose to liberate people of Israel from bondage to freedom and Promised Land. Peter was to become the foundation of the Church Christ was to build. Paul purposed to take the gospel to the gentiles. All of them received revelation and developed a divine sense of purpose. They had to bid His time and wait on Him to receive clear instructions to accomplish it.

Purposes are not only about liberating nations, occupying promised lands and turning nations to Christ. They could also be simple things like mopping floors, serving meals, keeping gates, driving vehicles, etc. Teaching students, building bridges, keeping books, raising crops and healing people are a few others. What we do becomes purposeful when we know that God has given us this task, he will tell us when and how to do it.

Like Abraham, Moses or Paul, we may not have heard God’s voice through lightning and thunder about our purpose in life. In the words of Paul, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. (Colossians 3:23, 24). Therefore, no matter what the task, it assumes a divine sense of purpose when we do it for the Lord and the reward is sure.

Very few people end up doing what they like. Most people unwittingly choose what pays more or what gives them importance and an easy life. Very few people end up doing what they like. Most people unwittingly choose what pays more or what gives them importance and an easy life. Such motivations can land us in most unfulfilling and frustrating situations. If you are in such an unsatisfying situation do not leave your post till the Lord shows you another beyond a shadow of doubt. Till such time steel yourself to give your best to the task at hand. That is your godly purpose for now.

As much as purposes for our lives come from God, they generate an energy of their own (passion if you like) when they are done for Him with love. It is not the profile of the task or the setting of it that gives us the primary motivation but the fact that we are doing it for Him. When we miss this important fact, we fall into a great temptation of comparing our task with the task of another and feel superior or inferior.

But if we are clear that the Master has asked us to do it and we do it as unto Him with love and reverence, it becomes holy and sacred and stands by itself. That is why the Master rewarded the faithfulness of the two servants in multiplying their talents and punished the one who buried it (Matthew 25:14-30). Imagine, if the second servant had said, “Why did the master give me only two talents and five to the other one?” and went and buried his two talents. It would have been a terrible mistake.

It is important to discover the spiritual gifts given to us by God and start employing them in the local church you belong to. Every member of the Body of Christ – the Church – is expected to play a part, perform a function and contribute to her growth. God has given us spiritual gifts for such a purpose. It is important to discover the spiritual gifts given to us by God and start employing them in the local church you belong to. It is in giving that we receive. We will grow with the church too.

Pursuing purposes with passion is easier when our work is acknowledged, recognized and appreciated. But it may not be the case always. Consider the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). The father pursued his purpose of parenting with a passion irrespective of how the sons reacted. Even today, many well-meaning parents sacrifice a lot and do many things for their children. Sometimes the children are just ungrateful and are even abusive of their parents. But if we do what we do as unto the Lord, we are happy to hear commendation from our Heavenly Father for what we have done irrespective of the outcome. Sometimes, our bosses are not appreciative of our work but if we are clear that our purpose is to please our Master, we are happy. If the bosses too recognize and acknowledge our work, it is a double blessing.

Just as we purpose in our hearts to do great things for the Lord, like Daniel we must also purpose in our hearts not to defile ourselves with the ways of the world. We must avoid the “lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life” (1 John 2:16). Many great men and women of God have fallen to the wiles of the Devil. Watch out and be on guard in prayer.

Over a period of time, people tend to become cold in the pursuit of a purpose. Specially, when it is a long term goal. Nobody ever pleased God with a half-hearted approach to life. Strong words were given to the angel of the church in Laodicea: “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth (Revelation 3:16)”

Purposeful living can be exciting and you might think everyone will fall in line and cheer you. No. You will be surprised that some of your own will oppose you, abandon you and even betray you. But remember, if you are about a God-given purpose, have a sense of divine timing and are prayerfully pursuing it, God is on your side. Therefore, “if God be for us, who can be against us” (Romans 8:31)?

Not only people in the Bible but heroes of faith (people who did things for God, no matter what) abound in every generation. In our own generation we have seen Billy Graham, Mother Theresa and Graham Staines. These are global figures but in each nation we have our own home-grown heroes who inspire us to live purposeful lives. Look for someone around you who lives a purposeful life with a sense of divine mandate, perfect timing and spiritual direction. Seek their mentorship. Tomorrow you can mentor others who seek such life.

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Pleasure On Demand, Not a Good Idea

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Pleasure On Demand, Not a Good Idea

In my previous article, I argued that relationships give us the greatest pleasure. What was lost in Eden was regained in Gethsemane. The ravages of disobedience of Adam were negated by the obedience of Jesus on the cross of Calvary. As a result, relationships were restored between God and man and man and woman.

Jesus made way for His redeemed people to enjoy life in all its fullness (John 10:10). However, the little foxes of misplaced priorities, selfish behaviours and deficit mentality continue to spoil the vineyards of our lives. The thief continues to do all that is possible to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. One of his ploys is to dangle the promise of instant gratification and seek pleasure on demand. We must not fall prey to it.

The thief continues to do all that is possible to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. One of his ploys is to dangle the promise of instant gratification and seek pleasure on demand. We must not fall prey to it.

The Devil chose a vulnerable moment to strike Jesus with irresistible temptations. But not for Jesus. The Devil tested Jesus’ ability to resist the temptation to satisfy His hunger with His powers as the Son of God. Jesus did not succumb to it. Again, the Devil tempted Jesus to test God’s love for Him by jumping off the pinnacle of the Temple. The Devil lost again. Thirdly, setting Jesus on a high mountain the Devil tested Him with the allure of all kingdoms of the world.

On all three occasions, the Devil was in a way saying, “All that you can get, get it NOW, the easy way. You don’t have to go through the cross, wait till the second coming and fight for it. It’s yours for the asking, NOW. Only bow down and worship me. Forget about God.” Jesus chased him away by declaring His loyalty to God. He resisted the temptations, chose the cross and waited for the Father to give Him all that was His.

The Devil tempts us in the same way: He wants us to fulfil our needs in our own strength independent of God; he wants us to test God’s love for us; and he wants us to worship him and not God.

The Devil tempts us in the same way: He wants us to fulfil our needs in our own strength independent of God; he wants us to test God’s love for us; and he wants us to worship him and not God. So many people live by the dictum: “I want it, I want it the way I want it and I want it NOW.” With such people, there is no waiting, there is no suffering and there is no cross. They want to bypass God and grab the goodies Satan is dangling in front of them, NOW.

“Wealth gained by dishonesty will be diminished, but he who gathers by labour will increase” (Proverbs 13:11).

Gathering by hard and patient labour takes time. But people want to fulfill their desires NOW without waiting for God to fulfill them. They resort to taking bribes, claiming inflated expenses, evading taxes, cheating, stealing, etc. Nothing satisfies them. They want more and more of money and everything. But they don’t know that “he who is greedy for gain troubles his own house” (Proverbs 15:27). They forget that when we “Take delight in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart’ (Psalm 37:4).

Sex is beautiful within the boundaries of marriage. It is a pleasure that God gifted to man and woman to enjoy in a marriage. Many youngsters do not see it this way. They do not want to wait till marriage to enjoy the sexual pleasure. They want it NOW. They feel it and therefore they want it. To enjoy it within marriage, they have to wait, work and accept responsibility. Then they can marry. But that is too much of a ‘cross’ for many. They will bypass it and satisfy their sexual pleasures at will. They do not realise that such promiscuous behaviour will damage their consciences and future marriages.

Pornography is a counterfeit pleasure. It is absolutely a creation of the Devil. He substituted the fake for the real…What is pure pleasure in marriage has been corrupted in pornography

Pornography is truly a pleasure on demand. Married or unmarried, people don’t seem to think twice before they indulge in it. Some psychologists even prescribe pornography to bring the spark back in marriage. Pornography is a counterfeit pleasure. It is absolutely a creation of the Devil. He substituted the fake for the real.

Men and women seek this destructive pleasure whenever, wherever and however. It is available on demand at the click of a button. What is pure pleasure in marriage has been corrupted in pornography. Many minds and marriages are destroyed because of addiction to pornography. People lost their marriages and jobs. All because they succumbed to the lie of Satan that they can have this pleasure on demand. NOW.

Many minds and marriages are destroyed because of addiction to pornography. People lost their marriages and jobs. All because they succumbed to the lie of Satan that they can have this pleasure on demand. NOW.

Smoking weed and drinking alcohol have become common among high school students. Beyond curiosity, they seek it for pleasure. Both boys and girls do it. Once they start it they become addicted to it. They begin to demand it. They can’t do without it.

Others may not be seeking pleasures of money, sex and drugs but their pleasures are equally deceptive and sometimes destructive. Every day we are bombarded with advertisements of branded clothes and accessories, smart phones and gadgets of every kind. Some of them we may need but most of them we definitely don’t need.

Irresistible offers on exotic holidays, enticing foods and drinks pop up on your phones, laptops and Tablets beckoning you to enjoy them urgently! Bigger cars and glittering jewellery are screaming in your mind to be possessed. There is every form of convenience provided in the form of a credit card and a payment scheme without a down payment which they claim is at 0% interest. You don’t have to earn to spend, at least so they say. They don’t want you to wait, save and spend; they want you to spend NOW. It is a trap. Don’t fall into it.

You don’t have to earn to spend, at least so they say. They don’t want you to wait, save and spend; they want you to spend NOW. It is a trap. Don’t fall into it.

There are pleasures like pre-marital sex, extra-marital sex, pornography and drugs that are surely forbidden. But all other creature comforts and simple pleasures that come as a blessing of loving God and loving our family can surely be enjoyed. However, even while we seek those material comforts and possessions let us consider a principle to keep us in check. I call it the principle of postponed pleasure.

Simply stated, let us learn to postpone the fulfilment of all our material desires. It is natural to desire the latest phone that has come into the market. When the desire rises in your heart, you feel like fulfilling it immediately. NOW. But tell yourself, “I will not buy it now but I will wait. I will postpone the pleasure of fulfilling it.” When you wait the desire will lose its hold on your heart. You will no longer feel compelled to buy it. While you are waiting, you can also do a need analysis and a cost-benefit analysis. You will realise that you really don’t need it or that you cannot really afford it. Or sometimes the product turns out to have defects and are better off not buying it.

The principle of postponed pleasure is an antidote to the poison of instant gratification, seeking pleasure on demand. When you postpone your pleasure, you develop patience, exercise wisdom and learn the meaning of enjoying every God-given pleasures within God-prescribed boundaries.

Youngsters can also apply this principle in their relationships with friends. They can resolve to ‘postpone their pleasure of a sexual relationship’ to when they get married. They can overcome their temptations and enjoy friendships within godly boundaries.

The principle of postponed pleasure is an antidote to the poison of instant gratification, seeking pleasure on demand. When you postpone your pleasure, you develop patience, exercise wisdom and learn the meaning of enjoying every God-given pleasures within God-prescribed boundaries. There is joy in such pleasures. Those who indulge in pleasures on demand may enjoy the thrill of the dive in the oceans of pleasure but they are sure to come up with gravel in their mouth.

Let us resolve this New Year to practice the principle of postponed pleasure.

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A small girl with her mother and grandmother at home. Family and generations concept.
This program empowers a person to strip away the myths of romance and courtship and helps to unfold the reality and sanctity of marriage.

Suitable for – Couples who planned to get married.

Duration – 2 days

Course Content:

  • Marriage as God’s design
  • Are men and women hardwired differently
  • Building self esteem
  • Finding the love of your life – God’s will
  • Understanding ME – Temperament test
  • Role-ing together
  • Engaging communication in conflict
  • Language of lasting love
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Upcoming Programs

Stress Management

Happy young family sitting on couch and talking with family counselor. Smiling parents with adopted children discussing with counselor. Multiethnic family meeting a financial agent.
This program gives you have an insight into the various types of stress, helps you identify their causes, examine how they affect lives and learn how to accept changes  and face stress in everyday life and career.

Suitable for – Employees, entrepreneurs, youth, professionals and home-makers.

Duration – 2 days

Course Content: 

  • ABC’s of stress
  • Assessment of personal stress levels
  • Areas of stress
  • Aftermath of stress
  • Aids to stress relief
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Upcoming Programs

Personality Development

The seminar covers the biblical perspective on personality. It will help you discover yourself, build healthy self esteem, relationships and live with integrity.

Suitable for – Adults

Duration – 2 days

Course Content:

  • Biblical perspective of personality development
    • Growing in wisdom
    • Growing in stature
    • Growing in favour with God
    • Growing in favour with man
  • Personality consists of two parts
    • External
      • Phyical appearance
      • Communication
      • Behavious and mannerisms
    • Internal
      • Toughts
      • Feelings
      • Values and attitudes
      • Habits
  • Iceberg principles on personality
  • What are the features of a healthy personality?
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Selection of Programs

Accredited Advanced Biblical Counselling – Level 1 – Blended – Online

Therapist writing notes during counseling session with single man sitting on couch, panorama, empty space
ACCREDITED ADVANCED BIBLICAL COUNSELLING LEVEL 1 (BLENDED MODE)

The Accredited Advanced Biblical counselling – Level 1 – Blended Mode training program is delivered in two modules :

  • An Online Module that includes 14 lessons, delivered to you in four formats of Video Lessons, Reading Notes, Lesson Quizzes and Lesson Assignments. This has to be taken up first.
  • A Classroom Module where those who have completed the online module have to enroll to and attend the classroom training in Hyderabad for three days.

The course is intended to equip participants for involvement in counselling ministry and for accreditation.

 

Who is it for?
  • Those who have done Introduction to Biblical Counselling (IBC) or any introductory course in counselling.
  • Those who are involved in the counselling ministry and are seeking accreditation.
  • Bible College graduates who want to specialize in the counselling ministry.
  • Graduates from Psychology, Social Work or related courses wanting to learn more specifically about Christian Counselling.
  • People who find it difficult to get away from family and work for an entire week but are still desirous of signing up for an in-depth training in Christian counselling.
What can I expect?
  • The course has 14 lessons taught as video lessons, reading notes, review quizzes and assignments.
  • Duration of course: 4 months from the time you begin; extendable by another 2 months if required.
  • Time needed for each lesson: approximately 2 hours.
  • At the end of each lesson, there are “Test Yourself” questions you have to answer. Keys will be given once the assignments are submitted.
  • The course is designed to apply to ourselves first (make it a tool for personal growth) before applying it to others.
  • Upon completion of the online module, a certificate will be awarded for the online module, which will allow you to sign up for the classroom training at Hyderabad. (other places based on demand)
What can I do?
  • You may spread the word around to those who will benefit from this blended mode training program.
  • You may want to form a group of few people (5-10 people) to study and discuss the lessons together.
  • You may want to set aside certain days of the week and certain times of the days to do this study. A fixed schedule helps to get the job done.
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Selection of Programs

Accredited Advanced Biblical Counselling – Level 1

Happy young family sitting on couch and talking with family counselor. Smiling parents with adopted children discussing with counselor. Multiethnic family meeting a financial agent.

This program is accredited by the Association of Christian Counsellors – South Asia.

Participants will be equipped for involvement in counselling ministry and for accreditation.

Suitable for –

  • Those who have done IBC or any introductory course in counselling.
  • Those who are involved in the counselling ministry and seeking accreditation.
  • Bible College graduates who want to specialize in the counselling ministry.
  • Graduates from Psychology, Social Work or related courses wanting to learn more specifically about Christian Counselling.

Course Content:

  • Origin of Personal Problems
  • Counselling in Context of Local Church
  • Relationship to Spiritual Gifts and Healing
  • Psychosomatic Illnesses
  • Mood Disorders
  • Counselling Attitudes
  • Ethical Issues in Counselling

Duration : 50 hours, over 6 days

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Selection of Programs

Advanced Biblical Counselling

An unrecognizable small girl and her grandmother reading bible at home. Family and generations concept.

This is a non-accredited advanced training program that will equip participants to people helpers.

Suitable for –

  • Those who have a heart to reach out to the hurting
  • Those who are new to counselling
  • Those who want to find out if counselling is their calling

Course Content:

  • Biblical Basis of Counselling
  • Basics of Counselling
  • Biblical Understanding of Personality
  • Self-image & Self-Esteem
  • Counselling Model
  • Counselling Skills
  • Application Areas

Duration : 15 hours, over 5 days

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International Webinar on Self-care by Dr. Paula Davis

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International Webinar on Self-care by Dr. Paula Davis

View Dr. Paula Davis’ Professional Profile

Person to Person – Institute for Christian Counselling, Hyderabad, invites all its training program graduates to an exciting ‘Webinar on Self-care’, by Dr. Paula Davis on the 31st of August 2019, at 4 PM IST.

Dr. Paula Davis is an accomplished career demonstrating consistent success as a psychotherapist, supervisor, counselling and marriage educator, group facilitator and trauma counsellor/educator in post- war developing countries. She has an excellent track record in curriculum development and assuring student support and success.

Dr. Davis is also seasoned in conceiving and building education programs from the ground up through proven competencies in curriculum development and student development / empowerment. She has an extensive background of designing and implementing distinct programs for psychologically traumatised individuals, couples, communities and ethnically diverse populations.

She is an effective communicator with excellent planning, organisational, and negotiation strengths as well as the ability to lead, inspire, establish goals, and attain results.

To participate in the webinar you will need to register your self.
You can do so by using the link below – 
Register for the webinar

Latest Articles from our Blog…

Explore all of our courses and pick your suitable ones to enroll and start learning with us! We ensure that you will never regret it!

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Selection of Programs

Introduction to Biblical Counselling

This is a non-accredited introductory training program that will equip participants  to be people helpers.

Suitable for –

  • Those who have a heart to reach out to the hurting.
  • Those who are new to counselling.
  • Those who want to find out if counselling is their calling.

Course Content:

  • Biblical Basis of Counselling
  • Basics of Counselling
  • Biblical Understanding of Personality
  • Self-image & Self-Esteem
  • Counselling Model
  • Counselling Skills
  • Application Areas

Duration : 15 hours, over 2 or 3 days